Amy Lewis on Her Life Story & a Quiet Girl's Courage @AmyLewisAuthor #AmReading #Memoir

Posted on Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Integration: Inviting all parts of yourself to the dinner table

I am a chameleon; I’ve known for a long time. I sit across from someone, even a stranger, and within 60 seconds I can unconsciously read them and magically transform myself into what they want/expect/need me to be. This can make dating a nightmare when the day comes that they realize I am not that person. But otherwise, I don’t see this quality of mine as a problem. It’s allowed me to have a wide range of life experiences that have added flavor, texture and profound wisdom to my life. I no longer get confused about who I am, nor do I feel victim to my experiences. In a mystical way, I know I am none of these things and at the same time all of them. Being so open with my identity has led me down a lot of different winding paths – some open and expansive, some muddy and full of holes and some complete dead ends. I have been an athlete, a mental patient, a porn producer, a scholar, a self-mutilator, an abused wife, an actress, a widow, a divorcee and a single mom; I’ve made enough money to put me in the 1% club at times, and I’ve also lived in poverty.

Inside It’s taken me a long while, but I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t judge my past or the more socially unacceptable experiences I’ve had.  But I feared others would judge me, so I did a lot of hiding publically, keeping too many secrets, separating my life and friends into compartments. Social media became a bitch; I needed too many profiles to encompass my whole life, so I rarely participated. The truth, of course, was no one really cared; I wasn’t a celebrity and most people were probably too caught up in their own self-contained dramas. Still, it takes courage for quiet girls like me to say to all of your contacts – this is who I am. This has been my life. Having just published a memoir I am very in touch with the courage it takes to share your story that at times may be raw and puzzling to those you know.

Ultimately people will think what they think, the only judgments that matter are my own.  And I’ve had a lot of judgments about myself, about the dark moments of my life. I’m learning to let those go. It takes a lot of time. I want to sit at a giant dining table and feast with all parts of me – the parts that look so gorgeous and the parts that look desperate, ugly and afraid. All parts of me are invited to this luscious, colorful feast that I call my life.


Diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder, Amy struggled with depression and an addiction to sharp objects. Even hospitalization didn't help to heal her destructive tendencies. It took a tumultuous relationship with a man named Truth to bring her back from the depths of her own self-made hell.Amy's marriage to dark, intriguing Truth was both passionate and stormy. She was a fair-skinned southern girl from New Orleans. He was a charming black man with tribal tattoos, piercings, and a mysterious past. They made an unlikely pair, but something clicked. During their early marriage, they pulled themselves out of abject poverty into wealth and financial security practically overnight. Then things began to fall apart.

 Passionate and protective, Truth also proved violent and abusive. Amy’s own self-destructive tendencies created a powerful symmetry. His sudden death left Amy with an intense and warring set of emotions: grief for the loss of the man she loved, relief she was no longer a target for his aggression.

Conflicted and grieving, Amy found herself at a spiritual and emotional crossroads, only to receive help from an unlikely source: Truth himself. Feeling his otherworldly presence in her dreams, Amy seeks help from a famous medium.

Her spiritual encounters change Amy forever. Through Truth, she learns her soul is eternal and indestructible, a knowledge that gives Amy the courage to pursue her own dreams and transform herself both physically and emotionally. Her supernatural encounters help Amy resolve the internal anger and self-destructive tendencies standing between her and happiness, culminating in a sense of spiritual fulfillment she never dreamed possible.

An amazing true story, What Freedom Smells Like is told with courage, honesty, and a devilishly dark sense of humor.

Buy Now @ Amazon
Genre – Memoir
Rating – PG-13
More details about the author
Connect with Amy Lewis through Twitter


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